Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Thoughts on upset folks & family

So I got married.  I had a beautiful ceremony with some of the people I love best in the world in attendance and helping with the ceremony.

I am Pagan.  This means that it was not a traditional Christian ceremony.  I did that once.  This was so much more me and more important to me than that first ceremony ever was.

So, I am getting a lot of hurt feelings vibes from members of my family.  I am trying to figure out how to handle those hurt feelings when I made my own decisions and purposefully didn't invite a bunch of people out of respect for their religion and their comfort.

I wish that my dad could have attended, but let's face it, he would have been intensely uncomfortable and I would have spent a large part of the day worried about him and his comfort and not enjoying my wedding.  That doesn't sound like what this special day was supposed to be to me.  

Since the wedding, or, more accurately, the handfasting,  I feel like I am getting the silent treatment from my dad, his fiancee, and a lot of the rest of my family.  This really hurts me.  I have went out of my way to not offend them or make them feel uncomfortable.  This includes withholding my religion from them.

I know my family, and I know that my dad would be the most understanding of all of them and he would still be very disappointed in me because he feels like the only way to heaven is through Jesus.  It just isn't the way I feel.  It's not my path.

So for my trouble of trying to spare other people's feelings and emotions, I feel like I am being shunned from my family.  My dad hasn't returned my phone calls, and I am worried that he is mad at me, which is what I do- I worry.   So I am almost ready to be over it and come out to my family.  I just hope that I can do it in an appropriate way and not totally alienate everyone.  I do still care what they feel, even if they don't care about what I feel.

I'm just frustrated and hurt.  I thought my family cared more about me than that.   Maybe my true family was with me that day, and those are the only ones that matter.

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