Saturday, April 30, 2011

Why Didn't I Tell Everyone?

I had a friend who was blown away when I finally told them about my surgery Monday.  Why didn't I tell everyone?

I guess the biggest reason is that I hate drama.  I don't care who knows about my surgery, I just didn't tell a lot of people.  I hear so much about everyone else and I hear people complain about hearing constantly about others' health problems.  I hear people who say that folks are faking it, they just want attention. 

I didn't want to be that girl...

The long and short of it is, I am terrified.  I have had a fair amount of surgeries for someone my age.  I have never went in to surgery scared before.  I don't have a good feeling. 

Raven keeps asking me what's wrong, and what can he do to help.  There really isn't anything he can do that he isn't doing already.  The simple truth is that I have to go in to that OR alone.  No one can go in there with me, they all just have to wait until I come back out.  I guess I have several friends that can go in with me in spirit, but I have to go it alone physically. 

Now and after the surgery, no one can be inside my head or my body with me and experience what I am going through.  I do have one very dear friend who has been through this herself, but that's it.  Everyone else can just speculate. 

I ask once more for those that I love and who care anything about me to say a little prayer for me as you go to bed tomorrow night.  If you are able, send a little piece of your spirit in there with me and try to comfort me.  I hate to ask that because it seems greedy or selfish, but I can't help it.  I am doing the best I can here.  I already broke down once today and I feel the pressure building up behind my face.  This tension is killing me. 

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